2008

The year is almost over. It goes leaving behind a feeling of sadness. I don't remember to ever been so unhappy, frustrated, suffering, to have so much longing for something different - and I don't remember having all this feelings at the same time. And my self esteem is so low and I'm even past being sorry for myself, I simply hate myself.

My memory is still gone. I do remember more, but I think that at this particular moment in my life is better not to remember much.

There are moments when I write entire posts in my mind, and hope I would have the time to actually type them in. But now when the house is quiet, the man and the baby are asleep, my mind is empty. Probably it is like that most of the time, but just now I have realized how much this emptiness has grown inside me.

It's been a good year professionally. I passed two competitions and landed on a job which seems to be what I wanted. I have an understanding boss and lots of opportunities to show initiative. And the paycheck is not that bad either.

However, when it comes to all other fields of live, there's been a recession time. It seems that the crisis spread from the financial markets into my life. My love life is in ruins, my social life is just a distant memory and as for the other aspects of the wheel of live - I don't even remember their names. I just remember this exercise I've done at a training course, about evaluating the aspects of your life - if everything was ok, you would have got a wheel - if not, something less round. I've got a shape that I'm not sure it has a word for it in geometry.

So here we are. The end of an era. The end of dreams. The end of neverland. The end of everything. It's so sad.