Post-partum

The post-partum term is usually associated with post-partum depression. I can see why ;-) I never felt so cold in my entire life - like there is no heat in the entire world to warm me up. I just hope I'm not coming down with something... We had to push the heating 2 degrees up, because I was in physical pain because of the cold.

I am tired, I have more painful spots on me than I thought it is humanly possible, and I am edgy. I would like to have more light, even artificial one - but some sun I guess would do miracles. I wish I could live in a different world, where there is no pain.

Marie gave us a hard time today - she didn't sleep much. Which means we slept even less. I haven't been out of the house since her birth. Today it rained the entire day, and was windy.

Mom and Dad... well, Mom feels really helpless and she would cry a river. I feel I'm not doing anything right, and as Dad has to study I feel bad every time I have to ask him to do something for me - he's already doing a lot. However, I feel miles away from him. I wish there was something I could do or say, to make things right.

Marie received gifts - cute little cloths, pink. She will wear them for about 3 weeks, and then she will outgrow them. She will grow so fast... even this first days have past so fast - so slow in a way, with pains, learning experiences, fears, misunderstanding, but looking back it seems like minutes away from when we came from the hospital.

There are moments when everything is all right, perfect moments, like tear-drops stopped in time. Then there are the rest of the moments, when the three of us are no longer a unity, but just pieces scattered in a universe to big to understand.