One more day ;-)

When I first came to Brussels on October 15, I was bursting with energy and high hopes – at least metaphorically speaking, because I was dead tired and with a lot of due tasks. When I came to Brussels on November 14, I was running away from an environment that emptied me of all the energy I had left. It took me a few days to get over the physical fatigue and when I started to look around nothing seemed familiar anymore. Even I am a stranger to myself. I do not know this 30 years old woman, five moths pregnant, unemployed and wearing large cloths. I am tired most of the time, I have no interest in being with other people and I really don’t care much about what the future holds in store for me.

I have an exam on Tuesday, I should be studying for that one – yesterday I realized I could no longer remember what the result of 8x4 – after a few seconds of unsuccessful attempts to remember, and the shock that I could not remember such a basic thing, I decided to use a calculator. So… I have an exam on Tuesday and I can’t even remember what I learned in primary school. The future’s bright, the future’s orange.

I am still applying for jobs, but somehow I came to realize that even if I would get a job, I might not be able to focus long enough to do my job. Something that has to do with my low level of haemoglobin, and also with a low level of serotonin. Well, it’s all about chemistry – I should have paid more attention in school to all the chemical compounds and the way they interact.

So… today is Sunday, tomorrow is Monday… I expect soon I will not be able to remember even that. I wonder if my memory will ever come back. It kinda makes sense to me now why I used to take so many pictures, like I wanted to remember every little detail.

They say every pregnancy is unique – mine definitely is, too bad that I will probably not remember much of it. Yesterday I had 2 pieces of cake at dinner – first time when I felt like eating more dessert. It was this delicious chocolate cake, with cream. I had a camomile tea after and then tried to get some sleep. I didn’t get much sleep – I read on the Internet that I am supposed to sleep on my left side, and I’ve tried that. However, for whatever reason, for me it feels more comfortable on the back or the right side…

So I am now even more tired than 12 hours ago when I went to bad. The sun is shining beautifully over Brussels, is cold, but the sky is open, the planes are coming and going, the world is just ready to move on for one more day. In the room next to me is a young couple, they talk and laugh all day long, and listening to loud music. I don’t know if they are not aware how thin the walls are or if they just don’t care. However, I hope they will get out of the house eventually - I mean I don’t see any valid reason why to stay in a beautiful day like this, if you have someone to share the beauty of Brussels.

I vacuum cleaned the dinning room, nice exercise for a Sunday morning – you know, we all must have a hobby. Now I’ll go kill myself with a book for my Tuesday exam ;-) or maybe do what Americans are suggesting:

"If this is your first baby, make time for some long baths, leisurely dinners by candlelight, long walks, and satisfying spells with a novel or two. If this isn't your first child, then you know the importance of finding help so you can take care of yourself. In short, try to relax and save your energy so you can better focus on the things that are really important to you. "